Okay, so I was thinking about stuff the other day, just random things bouncing around in my head, you know how it is. And somehow, I got stuck on that old Simpsons episode. The baseball one, “Homer at the Bat.” Specifically, the whole Don Mattingly sideburns bit.
It’s just hilarious, right? Mr. Burns going on and on about trimming those sideburns, and Mattingly’s like, “I still like him better than Steinbrenner,” but he keeps getting benched for these imaginary sideburns. It just got me thinking about times when rules just don’t make sense, or when people in charge get fixated on the dumbest things.
My Own “Sideburns” Moment
It actually reminded me of this job I had a while back. Not naming names, but it was one of those places with a real stickler for a manager. Let’s call him Bob. Bob was obsessed with the state of our desks. Not like, general tidiness, which I get, but super specific stuff.
I remember coming in one Monday morning. I’d worked a bit late on Friday trying to get a project wrapped up. Left a small stack of papers, maybe three or four sheets, right by my keyboard. Neatly stacked, mind you. Not scattered.
Well, I got called into Bob’s office. First thing. Before I even got my computer booted up.
- Step 1: Walked in, sat down. Bob just stared at me over his glasses.
- Step 2: He starts talking about “company image” and “professional workspace standards.” Real serious tone.
- Step 3: Then he drops it: “Your desk. It’s unacceptable. Those papers.”
- Step 4: I was confused. I asked, “The small stack? I was working on that project…”
- Step 5: He cuts me off. “Doesn’t matter. End of day, clear desk. Policy.”
Thing is, I knew the policy, but it was usually interpreted as ‘don’t leave confidential stuff out’ or ‘don’t be a total slob’. My three pieces of paper weren’t hurting anyone. It felt exactly like Mattingly’s sideburns. Bob had decided my tiny stack of paper was against the rules, even though it was totally harmless and, frankly, necessary for me to pick up where I left off.
So, I went back to my desk. Picked up the three sheets of paper. Put them in my drawer. Took maybe five seconds. Problem solved, right? Nope. Bob actually walked over later, peered at my desk, nodded curtly, and walked off. Like I’d just averted some major crisis.
It was just so… pointless. Made me feel like I was back in grade school. All that fuss over nothing. It didn’t make me work better, didn’t improve company image, just wasted time and made the boss feel powerful, I guess. Just like Mr. Burns benching one of his best players over non-existent hair.
So yeah. Don Mattingly and his Simpsons sideburns. Sometimes it’s just the perfect way to describe those weird, frustrating moments in life where the rules make absolutely zero sense. You just gotta shave the sideburns, or put the papers in the drawer, and shake your head.
