Now is the season for Doctorates. Everybody ( including Tom, Dick and Harry ) wants to be doctored ( made doctors of philosophy ). These are doctors who have ” made “ impeccable achievements in their fields of choice and hence the universities in this land of education and erudition have understood that they would have committed an unpardonable crime if doctorates of the respective universities are not conferred upon the dignitaries.

The point to note is that the dignitaries have been in the limelight for far too long that the universities have not made attempts to make a note of them. But the universities have suddenly come to the grand realization that they would need to doctor these dignitaries once the latter are in power. Probably that is the day of realization like what happened to Buddha on the Buddha Poornima day.

What did these doctorates do to become eligible for such magnanimity from the universities ?

Was it that they made a path breaking achievement in science or technology that made the lives of the ordinary people much better than they used to be ?

Was it that they propounded an earth shaking economic theory that is likely to change  / has already changed the lives of the millions that live under the poverty line ?

Was it that they have created a grand vision and realized that too much to the enlightenment and cheer of millions of poverty stricken people of this land and hence there has been a hope for ever lasting peace in this land ?

Was it that the problem of terrorism has been handled excellently by these worthies that the Lakshar-e-toibas and the LTTEs of the world have had a mental change over to the path of peace and non-violence ?

Was it that these worthies have made a very worthy woman as the President of the nation that all the ills that ail women in this country have been done away with in one shot ?

If not any of the above, then what other hidden act has been committed by the worthies who need to be conferred the doctorate by the Madras University ?

Probably the varied stands taken by Karunanidhi that :

A)    He had a doubt on the nuclear deal and hence requested Manmohan Singh to re-consider the deal just three months ago

B)     He did not have any doubts on the deal during the crucial voting day last month and supported the deal,and similar such multi valued capability exhibited during very recent times on the same deal definitely would call for a Doctorate.

Why single out the Nuclear Deal alone ? Why not we consider the ever changing stands taken with respect to Lord Ram ? His assertions ranged from saying that Lord Ram never existed to questioning the engineering academics of Lord Ram to saying that Ram was given to the drinking habit. The logical question would have been : When Lord Ram never existed, then how come one could question the veracity of his academic qualifications ? For sure, Karunanidhi deserves a Doctorate for this.

Or should we consider a Doctorate for him for  the current power situation in the state ? What natural light and breeze the people of Chennai enjoy currently thanks to the power cuts resulting from the inefficiency of the Electricity Minister from Karunanidhi’s cabinet?

Or should we consider Doctorate for him for the diverse explanations that he has been providing for the power cuts along with the Electricity Minister Arcot Veeraswamy ranging from : Wind Mills did not function to our expectation, Winds supply was inadequate, Rainfall was inadequate, AIADMK government of the past did not buy transformers, Hydro Electric Generation is insufficient, Central Power stations like Neyveli are not providing enough power and on top of all that, the Indo-US Nuclear Deal has not yet materialized. The day is not too far off when the Electricity Minister would say that the Earth had slowed down in its rotation on its own axis resulting in decreased wind power supply and he would conveniently quote some saying from EVR and Anna Durai to substantiate his claim.

 Having found out reasons to confer doctorate on the Chief Minister of TN, let us look at the UPA Chairperson ( I am not naming the person as it would be tantamount to deriding a woman if you call her by her name. The neo-liberals and the educated progressives would probably call me progressively under-educated if I choose to call her by her name).

We would need to confer a Doctorate on her primarily because of her ability to speak for the nation, for the betterment of the masses, for the upliftment of the downtrodden women of the nation and on top of all that, for her insatiable ability to shield Quottorochchi from the long hands of the Indian law.

Another reason would be for her showering of motherly affection on Nalini, her husband’s killer convicted by the highest court of land. It is a different matter that her husband was the former Indian Prime Minister and on whom was great hope being placed by the large Indian masses that their lives would be better once he is re-elected to power.But the most appropriate reason for the Doctorate would be the blatant manner in which the Office of Profit bill was rushed through much against the will of the former President Dr.Kalam.

Of late, there has been another reason too, for the Doctorate. The grand parliamentary democracy, the system which Jawaharlal Nehru so assiduously built over the years, thas was so pathetically demolished on the day of the crucial voting in Parliament when the members of the opposition displayed wads of currency as a reward for abstaining from Parliament. Hence the doctorate should essentially go to the UPA alliance as an entity rather than any individual.

But, wait a minute. I am missing something here.

There is this femme fatale, the bolt from the blue offspring of the many off-springs of the Chief Minister of the State, the one that is known to mankind as the heavenly angel that lends its voice and picture to anything that is remotely connected to page three action not to talk of the anti-national gatherings of the tiger kind. Taking into consideration that so much has been achieved in so little a time by this heavenly progeny to elicit such exposure in the media and all the government functions, should we not consider showering the doctorate on her personality so that the rationalistic god head is pleased ?

Alas, not every worthy would be as noble as Vajpayee who declined a doctorate that was supposed to be conferred on him. ( Ref: The Tribune, Jan 05, 2004 )

(http://www.tribuneindia.com/2004/20040105/nation.htm#4)

But not every one is a Vajpayee. Role models don't have company, though.